The Difference Between Domme and a Top

by Mistress Rage


Not every person who calls themselves a Mistress is actually Dominant. Mistress is supposed to be an honorific used by women who were slave owners but, now the title is being used by nearly everyone who engages in BDSM on a professional basis including people who are actually escorts, prostitutes and strippers.  There is certainly nothing wrong with those professions but they are not the same as being a professional dominant.


A Top is merely the person doing the tying, swinging the paddle etc. The bottom is the person being tied up, being spanked etc. A Dominant is the person controlling the entirety of the situation. They are dictating who does what. The submissive is the person being dictated to. They follow the orders of the Dominant.


Most Dominants are Tops but that is not always true. I know a man who orders his submissive to tie him up and spank him. That is also commonly known as Topping from the bottom.


Services offered- A professional dominant woman does not refer to what she does as a service. Dominants don’t serve—they are served by the submissive. A professional Top, on the other hand, will refer to what they do as a service. They are serving the client by acting as the Top in a scene that the bottom requests, scripts etc.


What do you want me to do—This is not something you will hear a professional dominant woman say. A dominant woman does what SHE wants to do. Her website will explain her interests and those are what you can expect. Different dominant women have different styles of play and different interests. Some are very sadistic, some are interested in a lot of fetish play but are not sadistic. This is why it’s important for you to know the types of play you can expect from her so that you, the submissive, can choose to serve someone whose style of play and BDSM interests are close to your own.


Many professional Dominants will ask what types of things you saw on her site that interest you. This gives her a good idea of what kind of submissive you are, what kind of BDSM interests you have in common and whether or not she wants to see you for a professional domination session. With that knowledge she can then decide what kind of session she wants to plan. For example, it may be no fun for her to plan an S&M session when the submissive is unable to handle the level of S&M play she enjoys. She may also decide to train you to enjoy the S&M so that you can better serve her.


If a BDSM professional is asking you what you want her to do to you, they are a Top and not a Dominant.


Bondage massages- It’s a new “thing” out there now. Tie a guy up then give him a massage. This is NOT professional domination. The dominant woman will make you give HER the massage (if you’re lucky enough to be allowed to touch her) and not the other way around! There is certainly nothing wrong with getting a massage but it is inaccurate for those types of practitioners to call what they are doing professional domination.


Intimate Sexual Contact- Professional Dominants do not have intimate sexual contact with their submissive clients. It puts you both at risk for disease and puts her at risk for arrest. A professional Dominant does not have to rely on intimate sexual contact to make a good session. Her sessions are about you submitting to her will and training, not about sex. Many prostitutes who call themselves Mistresses will do a little bondage and S&M before having intimate sexual contact with you. This is not professional Dominance. This is kinky sex.


I am a dominant woman. Now you should have an idea of what to expect from me.

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